A Season of Quiet

The past several weeks have been so full... full of settling into our new home, loving our little foster baby and then saying goodbye to her a couple of weeks ago, soaking up the sunshine and the mild summer breezes we've been blessed with, spending time with family and friends, and enjoying the kicks and tumbles of our own sweet wee one in the womb.

(photo by my talented sister)

But with all of this fullness has come a desire for a season of quiet-- at least in my little place here on the web-- and some re-ordering of priorities. I'm prayerfully considering the future of this blog, and while I haven't come to any definite decisions yet, things will be much quieter around here for a while, at least. I do want to continue to keep all of you updated about our little one, as so many of you have prayed for us and gone through the difficult journey of the past few years with us. You have shared in our sorrows and trials, and now we want you to be able to share in our joy as well.

Thanks to all of you who have checked up on us-- I am sorry to have let so much time slip by without any updates. I'll try to post again soon, but in the meantime, thanks for understanding. I hope you all are enjoying a wonderful summer!

Much love to all of you,

Beka

Finally...

... I can share with you some wonderful news that I've been fairly bursting about! But don't let me spoil it: head on over to my sister's blog to find out for yourself!

Bless the Lord, O my soul...

Bless the Lord, O my soul;

And all that is within me, bless His holy name

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

And forget none of His benefits;

Who pardons all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from the pit;

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion,

Who satisfies your years with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

Psalm 103:1-5

Blessed Beyond Measure

On May 2, we moved into our new house.


On May 3, a sweet wee maiden came to stay with us for a little while.

She is tiny and beautiful, and has wrapped her little fingers around our hearts.We don't know exactly how long she'll be with us, but most likely it will be another couple of weeks.

The pace of life has changed a lot around here this past week. I spend my days feeding, rocking, cuddling, changing diapers, and learning to do all kinds of things with one hand-- our little guest very much prefers to be held most of the time.

This is my view from my spot on the couch for some of the day, as I feed and cuddle baby.

She is a healthy eater, delights us with her smiles, and amazes us with how well she sleeps at night-- waking only for two feedings and going right back to sleep.

We love our new house, and are enjoying the quiet neighborhood and the melodious birds that fill the trees in our yard. There is still much work to be done, but we are so thankful to be here.

The Lord has been so vastly gracious to us this past week, giving us incredible strength and grace for each moment. The day we moved in, we were supposed to pick up our little foster baby, so I left the house around noon to get her. Our dear family and church family all pitched in, the men unloading the moving van and the ladies very graciously and efficiently taking over cleaning, painting our bedroom, and setting up my kitchen. It turns out that we were not able to bring the baby home that day after all, due to a small technicality, but I arrived home that afternoon and was moved to tears when I saw what an amazing labor of love our church and family had done for us. My kitchen was sparkling clean, unpacked, and organized, with everything in its own perfect place. Our bedroom was neatly painted, and our bed was even made! I had left the house that morning in a state of chaos, and arrived home to... home. Mark and I really cannot express our gratitude and appreciation for all of the help and support and love that has been showered upon us. We feel so unworthy of such generosity!

Thank you, all of you, for your prayers. There is more-- so much more-- I could say, but my heart is too full for words (seems that's been happening a lot lately!).

My little friend needs a diaper change, so I must go. More to come, soon!

Much love to all of you...

Please pray...

Just a quick follow-up to my last post (so much for not posting again until after the move!):

We have just received word that this precious little girl will not be coming to us tomorrow. It may be next week, or maybe later, or maybe not at all. All I can say is, please pray for her. Her situation is heartbreaking, and I just want to hold her and love her. It is so hard to keep having this postponed.

Thank you all for your prayers!

Mysterious Ways

God's timing... it is beautiful, mysterious, perfect, wise, unexplainable, unfathomable.

Five months ago, we completed our home study for infant foster care. We were all ready to begin caring for a little one, and expected a call any day. But days turned into weeks turned into months, and still nothing. We wondered and waited, and prayed. Then we found out that our own sweet little one was on the way, and we laughingly wondered if we'd get a call for a foster baby the next day. But still nothing.

Now, we are two days away from moving, and it doesn't seem like things could get any busier. I'm spending my days packing up the last boxes (no lifting, don't worry!), taking naps, and trying to stave off the pregnancy nausea that keeps coming back (which I am so thankful for, by the way!).

And this is the wonderful, beautiful, perfect, mysterious time that God has chosen for us to welcome our first foster baby.

We actually got the first call about this little girl about two weeks ago, but due to her circumstances, the date for us to pick her up has been postponed several times. We have heard word yesterday afternoon that it seems Thursday will be the day. Thursday... the day before the closing for our house.

We have prayed about this so much, and wondered how this will work, but never once have we doubted that this is God's will for us, and that it is in His sovereign plan for us to care for this precious little girl. We love her already, even though we've never met her--we don't even know her name!--and we simply cannot wait to pick her up on Thursday.

There is no doubt that this will not be easy. My head spins when I try to imagine how this will all go, especially on the day of the closing. But the Lord's peace pervades, and chases away all the fears and uncertainties, and His words come to us: "My grace is sufficient for you." We don't have to know how all the details will fall into place: we leave that in His hands, confident that the Lord will give us strength and that He will accomplish what concerns us.

Please pray for this sweet little girl. I hope you all understand: I will not be able to give any specifics about her situation or even share her name here, but she needs our prayers, and the Lord knows all the details. Please pray that we will indeed be able to pick her up tomorrow, and that this will not be delayed any longer.

And marvel with us at our Father's amazing, mysterious, unfathomable timing!

Odds and Ends

Please pardon my long absence from this little place... things are going well here, but very busy. There are boxes, boxes everywhere, as we prepare for our move in just a few days. We're almost ready, and very excited!

Our sweet little one seems to be doing very well, and for this we cannot cease to praise our gracious Father. Today I had my 12-week appointment, which at first was rather frightening, as the doctor could not find the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler. After trying in vain for a while, she took me back to the ultrasound room and we took a quick peek-- we were so relieved to see our little one kicking and squirming, and that little heart beating. Apparently, the placenta is in front, and blocking our ability to hear baby's heartbeat until he or she is a bit bigger. We are just so thankful that God has preserved this little one's life thus far.

I will most likely not be able to post any more until after we move, and we will probably not have internet access for the first few days in the new house, so I may not be back here until sometime next week. I can't wait to share some pictures of our new house with all of you.

Until then, dear friends, may God bless you all!

Another peek inside, and other news

Today, we had the joy of taking another peek at the miracle that God is knitting together deep inside of me. We were so thankful to find out that everything is still looking good! And this time, we were actually able to see baby moving around, which was quite a beautiful sight. Baby is only 2.7 centimeters long, but has a fast-beating heart and busy arms and legs. This is all just too amazing for words!

***

Our official "due date" is November 5, if anyone was wondering.

***

In other news (we do seem to have a lot of that these days!), by God's grace, we are planning to move in less than a month! This may come as a surprise to many of you, but we've been working on this for quite some time now. We had been prayerfully considering this move since last year, as the townhouse neighborhood we live in is becoming rather distasteful in many ways: some of the goings-on around here are quite concerning. We do love our home here-- it's been our home since the day we were married, almost 6 years ago-- but we believe the time has come to move on.

Back in January, we noticed a house for sale near by. We thought it looked interesting, so we went to see it. And we fell in love with it right away.

Well, I fell in love with it... Mark, who is decidedly more rational than I, had to think about it and ponder things for a while, before he decided that we could pursue it. So we put our house up for sale, and made an offer on the other house. By God's grace, our offer was accepted, and the Lord sent a buyer for our home much faster than we had expected. Things were a bit uncertain for a while, as there were some major issues with the folks who are buying our house, but the Lord has been so incredibly gracious to us and has worked out every single difficulty we have encountered.

So, we are scheduled for two closings on May 1: Lord willing, the closing for our current home will take place that morning, and then the new home in the afternoon. And no, we're not ready-- we have lots of packing to do!

As for the new house, it is a charming 100-year-old farmhouse with a beautiful yard: plenty of room for gardens and picnics... and I can finally have a clothesline! The house needs some work, but nothing that needs to be done immediately; we can settle in and slowly fix things up. And the house is only 2 miles from my parents', which is wonderful.

The Lord's mercies toward us are abounding, and we praise Him for His faithfulness. We are so utterly undeserving of His blessings, and we marvel at His graciousness. I wish I could express more of what is in my heart, but I am just too full for words these days.

But as always, God's Word says it perfectly:

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness...
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities...
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

(from Psalm 103)

Joy

(Read today's previous post first, if you haven't already...)

Precious baby,

I've never been so utterly amazed in all my life.

We had given you over to the Lord... we were so sure that you had slipped away. But there is a reason why God has commanded us to trust in Him with all our hearts, and not lean on our own understanding, for He is God, and His ways are majestic.

Mama got to peek in on you today, and what a surprise we saw. There you were, alive and well, with tiny arms and legs, and a perfectly beating heart. You are measuring 8 weeks 4 days, which is exactly where you ought to be. I can scarcely believe it-- but then again, I know we serve an amazing God.

My heart is too full for words right now. Our God is so good. How we pray that you will come to know Him and serve Him with all your heart.

I love you,
Mama

You Are His

To our precious fourth baby,

You have brought us joy-- so much joy, these past three weeks. From that evening when your daddy and I sat grinning at each other over plates of nachos, sharing our secret suspicions and then taking a test which confirmed those suspicions... through these happy weeks of loving you and dreaming about you.

We were worried about you in the very beginning, but those fears were replaced with unmitigated joy when, two weeks ago, we saw you for the first time on that ultrasound screen. Your little heart was beating away, and you were even a whole week older and bigger than we had expected!

Mama felt very joyful even during those nights when at 2 am or 4 am, she lay in bed nibbling on crackers, trying to make the nausea abate just a little so she could sleep. She was never happier than during those queasy nights, as she lay there thanking God for you, and rejoicing to know that you were thriving.

Again, we knew joy when, just over a week ago, we were able to peek in on you again, and saw that you had grown and were still very much alive. We were so encouraged, and really believed that the Lord was going to spare you to us.

It's been a wonderful, queasy, sleepy, foggy three weeks. We've prayed for you, thanked the Lord for you, dreamed about you, loved you, and looked forward to meeting you.

But then, on Friday evening, in an all-too-familiar sequence, all of those happy, hungry, nauseous feelings suddenly went away... and in their place, a silent foreboding crept in. We fear you have slipped away, precious one.

We have been praying so fervently on your behalf-- praying that our mighty and sovereign God would graciously spare your life. We pray that He will let your soul live, that you might praise Him. And we will not stop praying. But we've given you back, given you over into His hands. You are His: He created you, and He planned out every one of your days, and only He knows whether you are still alive. Our prayer for you has always been that you will be used mightily of God; we had hoped that He would use you in life, here on earth, but if you can bring Him more glory through your death, than so be it.

We have given you over to Him... but oh, how overjoyed we would be to receive you back again.

From hearts heavy with love,

your daddy and mama

Today

Like a river glorious is God's perfect peace:
Over all victorious in its bright increase.
Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way.

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand.
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry, touch the spirit there.

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love.
We may trust Him fully all for us to do,
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest,
Finding as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

--Frances R. Havergal

Every time I hear this hymn, I think of you, sweet little one. My mind wanders back to those summer days when I used to sit and sing to you, hoping against hope that God would save your tiny life.

Today, 3/6/09, was to be your day: the day that we were to expect you... the day that seemed impossibly far away last July when we found out you were on the way.

But now, the day is finally here-- and you are not. This would have been quite a month for our family: not only were you to be born in March, but your brother would have been turning one year old this month, as would your sweet cousin.

There aren't many words to say, except that we miss you and all of our little ones terribly. We are thankful for the "river glorious" of God's perfect peace, which has borne us through these trials... for His grace, which has anchored us through this storm.

We still believe that He does all things well, and that He is always faithful and kind and loving. And so today, we will plunge ourselves into the river glorious of His perfect peace... nestle into the hollow of His blessed hand... bask in the warm glow of the Sun of Love.

For thus says the Lord,

"I will extend peace... like a river...
As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you."

Isaiah 66:12a, 13a

Every Good and Perfect Gift...

... is the name of a beautiful new photography blog that my sister Charissa has started. I know you will enjoy her creative, colorful photographs of God's good gifts.

Go pay her a visit at Every Good and Perfect Gift!

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

James 1:17